How Therapy Has Helped Me Become A Better Mom
Therapy has this big stigma
around it that like if you go to therapy, you are crazy and you're weak.
Most people that are going to therapy are not weak because they know they need some help. I think it’s really strong and courageous that they are putting themselves out there and actually going for it.
Every day we wake up; we have something to learn and something that we can grow from. God's plan is greater than we could ever imagine. So this is my belief, my journey, and why I believe in it.
The biggest took away and the biggest thing I learned about myself in therapy, is I was struggling with being a perfectionist.
My standards for myself and my child were so high, not realistic, I felt like I was failing every day, all day long.
My mama has always said, so my parents have been together for 38 years, and she has said, "Without Christ and Therapy, they would not be together." I really believe that like, I would not be who I am today or be the mother I am today or the wife that I am today without therapy. I am still a work in progress and my anxiety, my worry, and my fears but I think we all are work in progress.
Every day we wake up, we have something to learn and something that we can grow from. God's plan is greater than we could ever imagine.
Some of those “stigmas” might be true, but most are not. A lot of people that are going to therapy are:
ONE: they're not weak because they know they need some help. I think that's actually really strong and courageous that they are putting themselves out there and actually going for it.
TWO: They might have anxiety in a depression or their marriage is struggling, but want their marriage to thrive or they want to get out of that anxiety and depression cycle and get help.
There are a lot of reasons why people go to therapy.
So my journey started when my son was six months old (fourth- fifth trimester).
My son was diagnosed with torticollis, which is like tightening in the neck. I had no idea what that was. I struggled with perfectionism and wanted everything to be great as a new mom.
We always want our kids to be perfect and everything to be perfect about them, right? No one wants any issues, but that's not reality. I just had to quickly learn that in motherhood I cannot control everything.
I just was struggling with this anxiety of wanting everything to be perfect
and I just didn't know what to do with the torticollis, the therapy, he needed a helmet and the stigma around that; I was afraid people would be looking at him and all that.
Anyways, I definitely had a lot of anxiety and was seeping into the depression. My mom and my husband knew that something wasn't right and so did I.
I actually remember, giving my son a bath one day and I was crying and he was probably like four and a half, five months at this time. But I was just crying and my husband walks in and he was like, "What is going on?" And I was just like, "Something’s not right. I'm not right. I think I need you to talk to somebody."
So I sought out a therapist. She had three daughters of her own that were older. She really knew the postpartum, motherhood, and anxiety side of things.
The biggest thing I took away from it and the biggest thing I learned...
I was struggling with being a perfectionist and my standards for myself and my child were so high.
Not realistic. I felt like I was failing every day, all day long.
If he didn't get a nap, if he didn't eat enough, if he was fussy in public... it was really insane, the expectations, and I felt like I was a bad mom.
The biggest advice that she gave me, and the biggest takeaway that I still do to this day is what she told me..
Erase, “I'm a bad mom” from your vocabulary!
So whenever I thought I was going to feel like I was a bad mom or I was gonna say I was a bad mom or I was failing, I stopped and I told myself... and would say, "No, I am a good mom!"
As little as that is, but it was, it was my takeaway.
As little as that sounds, what we tell ourselves is what we believe about ourselves.
If you are constantly beating yourself up and telling yourself: I’m a failure, I’m a horrible mom, I can't do this, why did God give me children, ect.
We will stay in the negative space.
We have to turn this negative mindset into a positive mindset.
The first step to getting better and making ourselves better is: realizing that sometimes you just need an outside perspective.
It's okay to let our guard down and let someone talk to us and tell us things that we really don't want to hear.
Therapy is hard! Sometimes it's just hard to find who's gonna fits your personality. Or will they understand me or they're gonna be good for me? Sometimes it's a trial and error.
Back in episode five, Mackenzie talks about, you know, her journey.
She was a single mom. She's a big advocate of therapy. (go back and listen to that episode even if you're not a single mom it's a great episode)
She talks about, feeling like a failure and how her therapist like saved her life.
Some days we just get past it and we do really good for weeks and then we go down, this downward spiral again of whatever we're going through.
There is something about being able to sit in a room, where no one else can hear you, you can say whatever you want and the therapist cannot repeat it, and you get to work through whatever you're going through.
Asking questions like, what is the issue? Where is that issue coming from?
So whether it's therapy or getting involved in a community. It's important. We can't do life/motherhood alone.
I created the Mama Community Membership for a reason, and this was for mothers to walk together. To walk together through the hard times.
If you have read this far, I would love to connect with you. I want to ask you, how are you really doing? How can I help you? How can you help me?
Let's be friends. Let's talk about the hard times in life and then we can join each other in the good times as well.
This is what the community is all about and that's what I believe therapy is all about as well.
So my son is six now, and so I have been going to therapy off and on for six years and it has changed my life & helped me become a better wife & mother.
If you've never done therapy or you've tried therapy and the therapist wasn't for you, and you're struggling, you just feel like you're in the cycle and you just can't get out...
Whether you're struggling in your marriage or you're having some anxiety or depression, you're scared, you're a new mom, you have lots of things going on, you have lots of kids and you need someone to talk to.
Reach out to find a therapist or join our membership.
It’s full of Mamas that are open with their life story and want to be there to help you with your struggles.
The bottom line is we can't do motherhood alone. We need each other. We need community. We need help.
Even though this week you might be thriving and I am so, so excited for you, and I want you to continue to thrive in motherhood and I think the best way we can do that, is together.
So let's connect, connect with me on Instagram, connect with me via email.
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